500 Babies. Or maybe more than 500 babies, but not in Finland.

Some humor to brighten your day:

Proctor: "Please place your sticker centered in the dotted box."
Student A: "What if you don't center it?"
Student B: "Then you fail. They don't actually look at your answers, they just grade you on how centered your sticker is."
Me: "This answer booklet will be destroyed following test administration."

Proctor: "Please place your shrink-wrapped test packages off to one side of the table..."

Me: "Why would you ever need a giant block of salt?"
Derek: "Well, maybe if you had a really large llama..."

Nutrition Lady: "Well, let's look at it this way, if your baby was hungry and you didn't feed it, this would be child abuse."

Me: *reading history text* Don't throw your baby out with the hoards of rapacious relatives from Spain!

Rebecca: "You can't eat two early lunches!"

Student trying to speak spanish: "Mi papa...toque...toco...Tokyo?"

Me: "What does 'mark up this paper' mean? Scribble a few notes, draw the anarchy sign..."

Teacher: "So these are going to be equal, even though they're opposite ways, it's separate charges..."
Student: "Yeah, separate but equal, I see where this is going."

Teacher: "We'll talk about this later but a ground is something that grounds things. Like the ground."

Presenter: "I just feel so bad, all these introverts and me in a room..."

Paper: "What is the compass measuring? (HINT: Current creates magnetic fields.)
Me: "The north pole! It's not working, but if we don't lie we can't answer any of the questions..."
Derek: "The compass is measuring our scientific integrity."

My math teacher on two different occasions, in a class with 30 kids is and is always short of desks:
"You are welcome, if there are not enough desks, to go forage into the other room."
"Look, we have an extra desk! We should build a shrine around it."

(reading over a theorem, using abbv. for 'parallelogram')
"Opposite sides congruent implies P in a box." (Note: read this aloud.)

"Your face is a parallelogram!"

My chaos theory teacher, during class:
"It's decaying right? But what if you have a farmer that throws in 2.7 bunnies every hour. But the 2.7 bunnies are dying, too."

"But what if I took all the dust particles and put them into a pile."

"I'm sure a lot of people sit around thinking of spheres touching each other."

"One wall, two wall, three wall, I must be living in 3D space!" (Note: how many walls does your room have?)

"You guys don't spontaneously generate calculators."
"Anyone can non-spontaneously...well...not really."

"It's set to...there's a triangle with a prism going through it. What's the band?"

Her:"What's a chaotic system you have to deal with every day?"
Student:"School!"

"Weather—look, we can predict three minutes into the future!"

About white music, which is discrete white noise: "It keeps almost getting good!"
About brown music, discrete brown noise: "It's awkward music."

"Somewhat random pieces of string music which make you kind of nervous."

"If you take white noise and you take out all the notes that aren't Beethoven, you get Beethoven."

History teacher:
"I'm not trying to say the Patriots are a Chinese dynasty..."


Sachi