Ahem...Your Computer is Not Fully Protected...

A few days ago, my computer notified me that my security protection had expired and I had to pay for it to keep updating the protection. I thought to myself that perhaps this was not really necessary. It seemed to imply that I would still have whatever protection I already had, and I just wouldn't get new updates. And, we all know that new updates can cause more trouble than they solve (Microsoft Office 2007 for example, or Windows Vista, etc.) But alas, the MacAfee Security people keep tempting you until you give in. After all, who can truly argue against them? They say they know if your computer is protected, and all you can do is listen to them and give them what they want. So finally I paid $70 (this would have seemed like a lot of money before I started paying that much to every college that I applied to) and let it download the updates. What a mistake! Today when I turned on the Internet, a window popped up asking to download something new. Without thinking, I pushed OK. Then I saw to my dismay that there were those little boxes that come automatically checked and you have to un-check them or else you will get lots of things that you don't want. But it was too late! I tried to un-check them, but nothing happened. My computer was in that state in which it is doing something and taking a long time, and you can't do anything about it. So I just sat there, knowing that I was doomed. I decided to spend the time practicing my monologue from Hamlet (an assignment for my English class): "Upon my secure hour thy uncle stole / With juice of cursed hebona in a vial, / And in the porches of my ears did pour / The leprous distillment..." Meanwhile, my computer proceeded to go crazy. First a big, red M appeared with a picture of a magnifying glass, like some kind of Big Brother watching everything. Then new pages started coming up and not loading completely. "This program is not responding" messages were everywhere. When I finally got rid of them all, a message appeared on the bottom right corner of the screen: "Your computer is not fully protected," it said. I could just picture the character. I was the president, or something, and this little shifty-eyed man with a hat low over his face and a black suit came into my office and said, "Ahem...your country is not fully protected." And I would have to listen to him and give him power, and he would take over the country as a dictator. Ah, it is such a relief that now I have to leave my computer and shovel snow!

-Philip